As we continue with the Parents Are Peacemakers series, we come to the first need in the home - leadership. We read that "growing up needs bringing up" and the differences between "well-brought up" and "badly brought up". Important distinctions! It is heartbreaking to read the post-war description of the roles of mother and father. But the honesty about human nature is what I appreciate so much here - something we often forget about and therefore expect perfection from our children. Something Charlotte Mason teaches us about repeatedly.
Enjoy this next installment of Parents Are Peacemakers and let me know your favorite parts!
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II. THE FIRST NEED: LEADERSHIP.
Synopsis: (1) “It’s human nature.”
(2)
Inheritance (Discussion).
(3)
Childhood (Discussion).
(4)
Growing up.
(5)
Leadership at home.
(6)
“Ought” and “must,” obedience (Questions).
1. “Oh
well, that’s human nature. You won’t alter that.”
It is usually said when someone has got into trouble of some sort, or
when he has given way to some weakness. Is
it true? Can human nature be altered? What is human nature?
Desires,
emotions, appetites:—we all share these. Individual powers and disposition:—these come from
inheritance. Things come down from father to son, we inherit them, a good
singing voice, a fiery temper, blue eyes.
2. Get instances of things inherited. Discussion.
National
characteristics are inherited too, making
an Englishman differ from a Frenchman, a
Spaniard from a Russian. What we inherit accounts largely for our individual
differences, that and our very varying circumstances (our “environment”) as
well as things happening round us. We all take each other very much for granted
but what a wonderful and mysterious thing is every human person. There are all
kinds of possibilities and powers hidden behind the well-known faces of our
family—talents bottled up, feelings hidden, thoughts unexpressed, wishes ready
to bubble out unexpectedly. We think we know each other only too well—Jim’s
temper and his charming smile, Betty’s generosity and her fibs, Father’s slow
ways, his wonderful memory, Mother’s sharp tongue, her quick, comforting
fingers. How often we get surprises! Young people cannot think that older ones
were ever young, older people forget what it was like to be young.
3. Can
you remember a five-year-old feeling? A twelve-year-old? A fifteen-year-old? Can you remember the tangled up
feeling of all your wants going in different directions—your furious angers and
rude words just when you had decided to be good? Your unkindness when you
really loved so much? Telling a story because you were frightened (you meant to
tell the truth)? Taking Tom’s toy without asking him, breaking it, hiding the
bits and being sorry?
Discussion of children’s muddled ideas and keen wishes, instances.
4. Think
back, watch the family faces round you and remember what it is like to have
this strong human nature (all its wants and feelings and ignorances and
inheritances) all in a tangle, a muddle, good impulses and bad on top of each
other, fighting with each other. Yes, parents must be the peace-makers for each
one of the family while they are growing up. They must bring up all the parts of this strong, unruly human individual,
into an ordered, purposeful, clear-sighted person, into a person at peace in
himself. Up-bringing is the right
word. Growing up needs bringing up. We talk of “well brought
up” and “badly brought up” people. The badly brought up ones have not been
brought up at all, they have been left down, left in a muddle, left to get on
with their growing best way they can. Human nature has been too strong. Many of
them never have grown up, they behave childishly, long after they have ceased
to be children. Can you think of anyone like that, over eighteen? Instances.
5. Every
person growing up needs one thing that Fathers and Mothers can best give them and they must give it together. They need
wise, firm, loving leadership. Do you find that young people of the present day are selfish, lack
standards? If so, it is because their parents never succeeded in giving them a
wise lead and a firm rule while they were growing up. “Lack of discipline.” Yes
perhaps, but it is better expressed as lack of good leadership. Those who
follow a leader accept discipline, correction, punishment. Are you leaders at
home or do you let things be? Is it “Oh, he’ll learn better when he is older—at school?”
When
the Fathers come home after the war many of them will hardly know their
children, they will be diffident and slow to take a lead. Mothers, you must
help them. You, too, do not see as much of your children as you would wish while you are busy with war work.
Together you must decide what really matters, stick to it yourselves and show
the children that they must do so too. A few just rules always obeyed, a few
good manners always followed—be kind to animals, don’t tease, be friendly to
visitors, take turns—whatever
you decide on, stick to it and the children will follow
your lead and will grow up.
6. They
will grow to know the meaning of the words “must” and “ought.” It is these two
words which keep the family peace. Much disobedience and naughtiness in
children are their way of finding out if these words exist and what they mean.
They try it on. When they know the things they ought and must do, or be, they
obey, they face facts. Lead them, bring them up to the peace of this knowledge.
Discussion: obedience, disobedience,
naughtiness. Instances.
Google Doc - Parents Are Peacemakers (3 of 7)
Parents Are Peacemakers (1 of 7)
Parents Are Peacemakers (2 of 7)
Simple, yet so pointed. I VERY much loved this thought, "Together you must decide what really matters, stick to it yourselves and show the children that they must do so too. A few just rules always obeyed, a few good manners always followed."
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